Healing the Wounds of Abandonment and Self-Reliance: A Journey Back to Trust

As children, we rely on the adults around us to guide, nurture, and protect us. But what happens when those trusted figures unintentionally let us down? When moments of fear, pain, and abandonment shape our young hearts, they often leave invisible imprints—deep-seated beliefs that follow us into adulthood.

This is my story of how childhood experiences shaped my subconscious beliefs and how I am now choosing to heal, to rewrite the narrative, and to reclaim the love and trust that I always deserved.

A Childhood of Betrayed Trust

As a child, I adored my family’s live-in maid, who was like a big sister to me. She was supposed to keep me safe, to watch over me. But one day, while walking through a dark alley, she turned to me with panic in her voice and whispered that she overheard two men planning to kidnap and hurt me.

"Run," she said.

And so, I ran—heart pounding, breath ragged, fear consuming me—only to realize, when I turned back, that she was gone.

The terror that gripped me in that moment cannot be put into words. I believed I was in immediate danger, that I was alone, that the world was not safe. Later, when I realized it was all a cruel joke, something inside me shifted.

💔 A subconscious belief was formed: "I can’t trust the people who are supposed to protect me."

Now, as an adult, I see how this wound played out:

I have trust issues, finding it hard to believe people will truly be there for me.

I became hyper-independent, relying only on myself.

I struggle with abandonment fears, always bracing myself for betrayal.

Looking back, I now recognize that she did not do this out of cruelty, but out of ignorance—perhaps not realizing the deep imprint it would leave on me. She was a young girl herself, likely carrying her own childhood wounds, unaware that her actions would shape how I saw the world. This doesn’t excuse the pain, but it allows me to release resentment, to recognize that those who are wounded often pass their pain onto others.

When Asking for Help Leads to Pain

The second incident happened when I was around 7 or 8 years old. I wanted sugarcane, but my mother was busy at the bookstore, and my aunt-in-law was the only adult around. Instead of cutting it for me, she handed me a large knife and told me to do it myself.

I was a child. I didn’t know how to use such a tool. But I trusted her.

And then—the knife slipped.

The blade sliced through my finger so deeply that the flesh dangled, barely attached. Fifteen stitches. A wound that wasn’t just physical, but deeply emotional.

My mother was furious—not at me, but at the irresponsibility of the adult who should have known better. But in her own overwhelm, she couldn’t bring herself to take me to the hospital. She sent someone else instead.

💔 A subconscious belief was formed: "When I am hurt, I am alone."

I learned that asking for help doesn’t mean I will receive care—it might even backfire.

I began to suppress my needs, believing they were burdensome.

I internalized the message that when I am in pain, I have to deal with it alone.

As painful as this experience was, I now see that my aunt-in-law was likely acting from her own conditioning. Maybe she grew up in an environment where self-reliance was expected. Maybe she, too, had learned that asking for help wasn’t an option. She likely didn’t see the danger in what she was doing—perhaps because, in her world, it was normal to expect a child to handle things beyond their capacity.

And my mother—she loved me fiercely, yet her own pain and overwhelm kept her from being fully present in my time of need. Not because she didn’t care, but because she carried her own burdens, ones I couldn’t understand as a child. Through my healing journey, I am learning to hold both the pain of my childhood wounds and the compassion for those who unknowingly contributed to them.

The Subconscious Beliefs That Followed Me Into Adulthood

Looking back, I can see how these childhood experiences created patterns that still affect me today:

• Hyper-independence – I learned to rely only on myself because I believed I couldn’t trust others to take care of me.

• Fear of asking for help – Deep down, I feared that if I asked for help, I would either be met with neglect or placed in harm’s way.

• Emotional suppression – I learned to bottle up my emotions, believing that expressing pain or vulnerability was pointless.

• Mistrust in relationships – Even in close relationships, I found it difficult to fully trust others, always bracing for potential abandonment or betrayal.

• Guilt around my needs – I felt that asking for anything—love, support, comfort—was selfish or burdensome.

  
  

The Healing Journey: Rewriting the Narrative

Healing these wounds is not about blaming the past but about reclaiming my inner child, offering her the love, safety, and trust she never received. Here’s how I am choosing to heal:

1. Reparenting My Inner Child

When these old wounds get triggered, I now practice inner child work—I close my eyes and picture my younger self. I hold her in my heart and whisper:

"I see you. I love you. You never have to do it all alone again. I will take care of you now."

I let her know that she is safe. That she is not a burden. That love and protection are always available to her.

Healing affirmation: "I am safe. I am supported. It is okay to ask for help."

2. Learning to Trust Again—One Step at a Time

I recognize now that not everyone will betray my trust. Some people are capable of showing up for me.

I am slowly opening my heart, letting myself ask for help in small ways—accepting kindness, letting loved ones support me, and releasing the fear of abandonment.

💡 Healing practice: When I feel distrust rising, I ask myself: "Is this fear based on the past, or is this person actually showing up for me?"

3. Allowing Myself to Be Taken Care Of

The belief that "I have to do everything on my own" is one I am actively dismantling.

I remind myself that receiving love and care is not a weakness—it is a birthright.

I allow people to cook for me, nurture me, and show me love in small ways.

I remind myself that my needs are not a burden.

I embrace feminine energy—flow, receiving, and trust.

✨ Mantra for healing: "It is safe for me to receive love. It is safe for me to be cared for."

4. Expressing My Needs Without Fear

No more suppressing. No more believing that my needs are an inconvenience.

When I need help, I voice it—without shame.

When I feel hurt, I allow myself to express it—without fear of rejection.

When I need love, I welcome it in—without guilt.

💡 Healing Practice: Journaling about what I need, and consciously asking for it from the people I trust.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Love, Safety, and Support

Healing childhood wounds is not about erasing the past—it’s about reclaiming the love and safety we didn’t receive back then.

If you resonate with my story, know this:

💜 You don’t have to do everything alone.

💜 Your needs are valid.

💜 You are worthy of love, care, and protection.

It is never too late to rewrite the beliefs that no longer serve you.

You have the power to choose a new story—one where your inner child is free, loved, and safe. And that, in itself, is a beautiful beginning.

With so much love and gratitude,

Solarys